It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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