the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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