You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
