So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
