i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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