so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize