I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
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