Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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