the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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