im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
