I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
