If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
