I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize