i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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