hotel room ftw
just tell him i said nine months
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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