im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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