You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I have already put on my inside pants.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
