guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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