i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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