I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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