some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
This is my gift to your gina
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
