Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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