First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
