Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
