And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
