Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
