Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
