you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
