stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
