I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
