Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
pop tarts are not kleenex
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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