I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
