If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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