WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Drunk is not a location!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
