HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Randomize
