In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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