so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
