You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
