Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
