Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
