I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I touched a dick in church today
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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