Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
