He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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