Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
