Kiss
Puke
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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