dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
