Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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