it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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