I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
