Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
