When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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