If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
