I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
