I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
