We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
