i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
