i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
