I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
