you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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