What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
