we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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