Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize