I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize