she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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