Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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