call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
