Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
