We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
you would pick up someone in the library
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
