Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
