So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
