I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
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