I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
