She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
