After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
